Category Archives: Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow Flailing while Failing

December 12, 2012 – 17:00

Gwyneth Paltrow proves true to everything I’ve always predicted concerning her.  One of my predictions has always been that she will forever  attempt to recoup her investment in grifter trainer Tracy Anderson.  She invested scads of money in Tracy including opening a number of gyms.  This back story can be found in the archives here but mostly at the archival site  Sickittenish.com  where you can see for yourself if the predictions rang true or not (they did).

Suspecting that Paltrow is throwing in a last ditch effort on the trainer because her sale commissions on her GOOP website are not actually bringing in financial rewards.  Merchantdizing online is a tricky business.  The one aspect of Gwyneth that I’ve always marveled about is that she thinks everything is so easy.  Her introduction to Hollywood was easy but anything else in life requires work.  Work she’s not willing to put in.  Since I have it on good authority that GOOP isn’t racking up the sales I knew it was just a matter of time for her desperate flailing to become evident.  Evidence is in this latest REDBOOK interview and pairing back up with the fraud Tracy.

The best part?  Her HYPOCRITICAL interview.  This is what happens when you don’t seek higher education and round out your character with interests and hobbies.

“The morning of my 40th birthday, my children and husband woke me up with hugs and gifts, and I proceeded to have the best week of my life. I feel really happy being 40, now that I’m on the other side of it. There was definitely some uncomfortable anticipation. But I’m amazed at what I’ve been able to accomplish, that I’ve maintained my important relationships and have such incredible women friends, that I have two funny, beautiful children who can give me a real life. In a way, I feel like no one should make big life decisions until 40. It’s when it all starts to settle and become clear.”

Don’t make any major life decisions before 40?  Come on!  It’s great advice if you substitute 30 for 40.  Major life decisions entail deciding to get married, have children, buy a house and focus on a career. She’s done all of that.  Leave it to me to translate what she’s really putting forth here without even knowing it:  She regrets all of her life decisions made before her 40th birthday.  That includes not getting an education and her shotgun marriage to Chris Martin.   If she could wave a magic wand and go back to the days before becoming pregnant with daughter Apple, she would.  A life full of regret mostly because she believes she could have done so much better for herself.  All is not lost though.  She could very well have another forty years on this earth.  That’s a whole ‘nother lifetime loaded with challenges and adventures.  Problem for her is, she’s behind the eight ball because she’s never put the work in during her second and third decades.  She’ll forever be scrambling to catch up to the rest of us.  By the time she reaches her sixties, there will be great people emerging of the same age who will inspire others. She’s best off to pull out now.  It is mind blowing  how she still clings to all of that PR propaganda from her twenties.  Like her mother before her, she’ll never be top tier.  She’s not educated or beautiful.  When in doubt, just make life comparisons to Meryl Streep or even Martha Stewart.  Paltrow attempting to make us believe she’s in this league is laughable and the fodder of online writers. She is the gift that keeps on giving.  Happy Holidays to all.

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The Real Face Of Gwyneth Paltrow

October 24, 2012 – 12:30

This image of Paltrow hasn’t been corrected to portray her in the best light but you can get a sense of her core facial features.  This shot justifies why you never bought the manufactured hype about this one.  I imagine this truth to be the source of her insecurity.

Here she’s seen babysitting her forty-three year old friend’s (not 40) drunken reaction to her ex getting hitched. Gwyneth feels safe and superior to Diaz. That’s the vibe I’m getting off of this friendship.  She’s flipped the dynamic she once shared with Madonna.  Given Cameron’s dating history and recent pairing with Paltrow tells me there’s something intrinsically amiss with her character.  Men never stay with her too long, you’ll notice. It’s like she’s appointed Gwyneth her guru to fix her faults.  Just how fractured is she a person to be entrusting a woman with a junior high school mentality?  I have my theories.

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Gwyneth Paltrow

Happiest 40th, Gwyneth

September 26, 2012 – 15:34

This site has always been the go-to for what’s really going on with Gwyneth.  The reason for that being is we’re the same type of woman.  Being the authentic, educated version, I enjoyed blogging and pointing out where Paltrow fell short.  Her condescending attitude for the masses is flipped here.

Having always been about “tips” I will continue the tradition using Gwyneth’s latest shill and search for a career switch up.  Seems she’s helped design some pricey cashmere sweaters she’s offering on her GOOP store.

These designs date themselves

If you’re gonna drop close to a five spot for a sweater by all means concentrate on where it is manufactured.  There are countless cottage industry makers of hand knit sweaters littered throughout Northern Europe and Scandinavia.  See, what the genuine article generic prototype knows that Paltrow isn’t privy to is that in this price range one expects a full, one piece, full-fashioned garment with the sleeves knitted into the sweater.  The sleeves aren’t separate pieces which are sewn on.  That is rule number one to realize when you purchase this investment you’ll own for the rest of your life.  Go for a simple classic pattern but you’re best off just choosing a rich, solid hue.  To the eye it speaks of luxurious quality and to the hand it is quite weighty.  Perhaps the knitter stitched in their personalized tag.

Here’s an example of a hand knit cashmere sweater from Orvis.  Look at the shoulder area to see that the sleeves are not sewn on but knitted into the garment.  It’s $279 sporting a classic motif.  You can search similar deals like my years old staple, navy handcrafted French wool crew neck (paired with an ivory silk Italian scarf) or the Norwegian and Icelandic classics I’ve procured through L.L. Bean the past decades.

Oh Gwyneth, I do admire your chutzpah for attempting to portray yourself as one of us. Priceless are your early cooking appearances which proved to those in the know that you’ve never took the time to learn to properly yield a chef’s knife. Instead blindly charging ahead to be our generations Martha and Oprah rolled into one. Nowadays I can’t find it in my heart to critique fail after miserable fail.  Paired with the realization that the marriage to Chris Martin is a cruel sham as we question his sexual preferences. Believing that the Ol’ Paltrowski is just one of the many innocents who were duped by a closeted homosexual, I’ve been having to look away while I go on with my authentic version of “the life”.  I don’t feel the need to dissect her fails week after week, instead I just occasionally glance at her alerts. I’ll write a piece when I feel I can offer my readers a tip and a warning from her not-in-the-know advice.

Remember this hat?

Now she’ll be known as the Fortyish Faux Fashionista.  Nobody is buying that schlock she slings on that silly website of hers.  Wake us up when companies like Chinti & Parker start to realize there’s no profit in teaming with Gwyneth Paltrow and that mostly all of her hits originate from her naysayers.  She just hasn’t got it and she’s in good company with Hollywood’s turn out of lackluster celebrities of late.  Hardly worth writing about them I’ve come to find.

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