Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow Flailing while Failing

Gwyneth Paltrow proves true to everything I’ve always predicted concerning her.  One of my predictions has always been that she will forever  attempt to recoup her investment in grifter trainer Tracy Anderson.  She invested scads of money in Tracy including opening a number of gyms.  This back story can be found in the archives here but mostly at the archival site  Sickittenish.com  where you can see for yourself if the predictions rang true or not (they did).

Suspecting that Paltrow is throwing in a last ditch effort on the trainer because her sale commissions on her GOOP website are not actually bringing in financial rewards.  Merchantdizing online is a tricky business.  The one aspect of Gwyneth that I’ve always marveled about is that she thinks everything is so easy.  Her introduction to Hollywood was easy but anything else in life requires work.  Work she’s not willing to put in.  Since I have it on good authority that GOOP isn’t racking up the sales I knew it was just a matter of time for her desperate flailing to become evident.  Evidence is in this latest REDBOOK interview and pairing back up with the fraud Tracy.

The best part?  Her HYPOCRITICAL interview.  This is what happens when you don’t seek higher education and round out your character with interests and hobbies.

“The morning of my 40th birthday, my children and husband woke me up with hugs and gifts, and I proceeded to have the best week of my life. I feel really happy being 40, now that I’m on the other side of it. There was definitely some uncomfortable anticipation. But I’m amazed at what I’ve been able to accomplish, that I’ve maintained my important relationships and have such incredible women friends, that I have two funny, beautiful children who can give me a real life. In a way, I feel like no one should make big life decisions until 40. It’s when it all starts to settle and become clear.”

Don’t make any major life decisions before 40?  Come on!  It’s great advice if you substitute 30 for 40.  Major life decisions entail deciding to get married, have children, buy a house and focus on a career. She’s done all of that.  Leave it to me to translate what she’s really putting forth here without even knowing it:  She regrets all of her life decisions made before her 40th birthday.  That includes not getting an education and her shotgun marriage to Chris Martin.   If she could wave a magic wand and go back to the days before becoming pregnant with daughter Apple, she would.  A life full of regret mostly because she believes she could have done so much better for herself.  All is not lost though.  She could very well have another forty years on this earth.  That’s a whole ‘nother lifetime loaded with challenges and adventures.  Problem for her is, she’s behind the eight ball because she’s never put the work in during her second and third decades.  She’ll forever be scrambling to catch up to the rest of us.  By the time she reaches her sixties, there will be great people emerging of the same age who will inspire others. She’s best off to pull out now.  It is mind blowing  how she still clings to all of that PR propaganda from her twenties.  Like her mother before her, she’ll never be top tier.  She’s not educated or beautiful.  When in doubt, just make life comparisons to Meryl Streep or even Martha Stewart.  Paltrow attempting to make us believe she’s in this league is laughable and the fodder of online writers. She is the gift that keeps on giving.  Happy Holidays to all.

Cameron Diaz Gwyneth Paltrow Madonna Plain Janes

The Real Face Of Gwyneth Paltrow

This image of Paltrow hasn’t been corrected to portray her in the best light but you can get a sense of her core facial features.  This shot justifies why you never bought the manufactured hype about this one.  I imagine this truth to be the source of her insecurity.

Here she’s seen babysitting her forty-three year old friend’s (not 40) drunken reaction to her ex getting hitched. Gwyneth feels safe and superior to Diaz. That’s the vibe I’m getting off of this friendship.  She’s flipped the dynamic she once shared with Madonna.  Given Cameron’s dating history and recent pairing with Paltrow tells me there’s something intrinsically amiss with her character.  Men never stay with her too long, you’ll notice. It’s like she’s appointed Gwyneth her guru to fix her faults.  Just how fractured is she a person to be entrusting a woman with a junior high school mentality?  I have my theories.

Nicole Kidman

Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral, Nicole Kidman

No mistaking that’s Nicole under there. Can’t miss that pointy face of hers

Nicole Kidman must be dying as she peruses the gossip board comments all over interspace.  She was hoping that the general public would be favorably comparing her to Grace Kelly.  The jig is up, my lassie.

The real deal with her German Irish parents

Kidman has spent the better part of her adult life striving to be the icy, smoldering Nordic blond.  Denying her true Celtic heritage tooth and nail.  The skin bleaching, the hair blonding and oral area enhancements are all for naught.  All of her attempts can’t erase her innate characteristics that will not prevent my mind from belting out that Irish lullaby avec vibrato and brogue no matter what makeup job she sports.

It’s no accident she’s helped cast herself as Princess Grace.  Kelly has been her image idol for a few decades now.  She’s just one of the many actresses who’ve attempted to be “the next Grace Kelly”.  We’ve all witnessed Gwyneth Paltrow have a go, attempting to pass herself off as this Hollywood icon.

It’s actually pretty ballsy and delusional on Kidman’s part to think she could pass herself off as the elegant, petite beauty who could never take a bad photo. It’s downright insulting.  One imagines the control Nicole must exhort over poisoned facial muscles to conceal the gummy grin and the manic mean glare peeking out under overly prominent, droopy upper eyelids.  Every inch of Nicole Kidman’s face has been tampered with; her nose tip, her top lip, her hairline revision to mask the high forehead and the cheek implants inserted into her upper gum line.  The skin has been bleached and we’re not even discussing the fillers and Botox.  Always surprised she never invested in wrangling in those horrid upper eyelids that make her look so mean and angry.

This is almost right up there with Lindsay Lohan trying to pass herself off as the other Hollywood icon.  Try to spot their PR people in the comments of various gossip blogs. Kidman’s camp always elicits a smug knowing smile.  They take on a more aggressive stand than the positive spin fellow gingers mostly gushing on about their freckled hero.  In fact, I’ve used Nicole Kidman as my barometer to glean other people’s physical attractiveness.  You have to first eliminate the posters who consider Kidman to be the “spokesmodel” for their type.  When these fans protest what a great beauty Nicole is (or was) they’re really just running their own hype about their freckled, redheaded selves.  Now for the others, whoever can’t discern true beauty from a botched job loses.